Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Defining chaotic stability

I have been thinking about beginning a new blog entitled chaotic stability. After the events of last night (Kirk and I ended it) and the reasons behind why we are no longer together confirmed why I so badly need to write this blog. A.) I hope to actually utilize this blog the way it is intended by posting REGULARLY. B.) I feel that I'm no longer the girl adjusting to city life that I was when I began my last blog. C.) The framework I apply and operate from in life is chaotic stability. D.) Maybe this blog will serve guys who are either in relationships with complex women, considering beginning a relationship with a complex woman, or have recently ended a relationship with a complex woman. I hope that this will provide some insight and be helpful in determining whether or not you (the man) can handle a complex woman.

Our existence is comprised of both order/stability and chaos/instability. Many people are most comfortable in a state of order and stability. Most see the value in chaos to a degree but MANY people are uncomfortable in a state of chaos/instability. I believe, that as is the case in all other aspects of life, it is a matter of finding a balance between the two. Life is bland and boring if only comprised of order and stability and yet has no meaning if comprised solely of chaos. It is maintaining these states in equilibrium that a full life is experienced.

Let me briefly explain what I mean by order/stability and chaos/instability by listing concepts that I believe are associated with each (some using the 'synonyms' option on Word that I found to be an accurate reflection, the others my personal opinion).

Order/stability- constancy, steadiness, strength, regulate, categorize, simplicity, stagnation, unchanging

Chaos/instability- hardship, confusion, disarray, insecurity, flux, unsteadiness, volatility, challenging, complexity, change, growth, improvement

It is not difficult to see why people typically prefer order and stability to chaos and instability. Being in a state of chaos and instability is not easy. It is actually extremely difficult. However, as a complex woman, I value chaos and instability. I function best with some degree of chaos and instability. I personally HATE stagnation.

My philosophy on life is that I don't ever want to go back in time to re-experience life. Afterall, why would I want to return to a day when I am less of the person I am today? Why would I want to return to a period where I had fewer life experiences, had less wisdom, was less aware of who I am and what I expect from myself and others in life? It simply makes no sense to me. I want to continue to grow and change and become a better person tomorrow than I was today. With that being said, I realize I need people in my life who challenge me to be a better person. In many ways, I want a significant other who has opposite temperament/personality styles than me and is willing to work with me (in challenging each other) to establish some sort of balance between the two of us. I want someone who is willing to work through the chaos and instability with me not to change FOR each other, but to become better individuals and therefore a more stable, thriving couple.

I thought I had found someone who fit this philosophy. He definitely challenged me! And because of him I've become a more well-balanced, stable person. Unfortunately he doesn't want the chaos and complications that I so value. He values simplicity. He values a relationship being easy (which I honestly don't think exists). It breaks my heart because I see the potential in what we could have been and remember fondly what we were and what we did have. But, unfortunately, this is just another case of love not being enough. And I do love him, unconditionally.

The thing I've come to realize through this is: I believe, in relationships, you have to work through the chaos and instability to establish and maintain a sense of order and stability.


jade said...

I just wanted to tell you that this entry was amazing to read....and I TOTALLY get where you are coming from! I just came across your blog by accident today and loved this...

Alisha said...

Thanks Jade! There is something healing about having a record of my thoughts. I so appreciate your feedback and validation of my thoughts/feelings. It means a lot, especially today. :) I hope you are doing well!

AngelaMae said...

Alisha... I love this blog. I think that there are many women out there who value chaos the way that you do. Obviously I am one too, I love to face challenges and changes.

I also really think that relationships are work and hard and that is okay. In fact, I think that is what makes relationships great... there is value in what you work for.

Keep writing and I will keep reading!!

Varun said...

This is a very well written blog entry! It is healing to a lot of us who are going through this phase.

Personally I feel chaotic stability is something that all of us go through.

Hope to read some more entries from you :)

Alisha said...

Thanks for the encouraging words Angela! It means a lot.

Varun, I agree that everyone experiences chaotic stability. I just think some people embrace it whereas others reject it. I'm sure there are plenty more entries to come. I have a lot on my mind!

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