Saturday, June 26, 2010


I was watching Lipstick Jungle tonight and Natasha Bedingfield had a guest appearance in one of the episodes and sang "Soulmate." This song is beautiful and really resonates with me. I've included a YouTube video that includes the lyrics for those of you who are unfamiliar with the song.

While I love the song and definitely relate to the essence of the message, I also tend to "push back" against the term "soulmate." I do not believe that there is just one person out there for each of us. I know too many people who have lost their love early in life and I just don't believe that they are destined to be alone the rest of their lives. So, here is what I believe:

1.) I do not believe that there is one soulmate for every individual, but I do believe that there are only a limited number of individuals with the potential to be a particular individual's soulmate. Potential soulmates are compatible based on core values, beliefs, life experiences & expectations as well as the life paradigm each individual operates from.

2.) I believe another important component of a soulmate is the presence of chemistry between two individuals. I found this MSN article describing the 5 Kinds of Chemistry especially useful. In my own opinion, soulmates will share each of these types of chemistry. While I believe that chemistry provides the "natural" feeling or connection between two individuals I do not believe that means the relationship will be easy.

3.) I believe that finding a soulmate is the result of both fate and personal decisions, which both influence timing. For example, I ended up in Minnesota based on my decision to apply to the U of M's Phd program. However, the opportunities & experiences that led up to that decision are the culmination of both fate and personal decisions. Beyond that, being in a situation where I meet one particular individual (someone with the potential to be my soulmate) may be considered fate whereas my own decision to place myself in a situation where I could meet that individual is a choice.

Although I do believe that the term soulmate captures the essence of what I am ultimately searching for, I also believe that the assumptions and expectations that are typically associated with the term do not reflect my own beliefs (a selection of which have been presented here). While Natasha Bedingfield's song "Soulmate" resonates with me (as I'm sure it does with others) I felt the need to articulate my own beliefs about the loaded term.


Tiffany said...

Needed post. I concur with your statements about "soul mates"- great choice of words - fate and personal decision.

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