Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Forever and Almost Always

One Tree Hill is one of my favorite television shows because I appreciate its accurate portrayal of life, and in particular, relationships. Haley and Nathan have had their share of struggles and hardship throughout their relationship on the show. However, they have stood by one another through it all. They often use the phrase "always and forever" to signify their promise to work through life together. Kirk and I adopted this "promise" within our relationship. And I meant it with all of my heart. Even though we have been broken up for a couple months, I still love him. Even though he hurt me and broke my trust, I am still in love with him...or at least with who I thought he was (or wish he were). I was always skeptical of the human capacity to love someone unconditionally outside our immediate families. And maybe I'm being naive, but I believe that loving someone in spite of their flaws, despite them hurting you, and being more concerned with their well-being over your own are all attributes of unconditional love. What I'm unsure of, and have been struggling with the past few weeks, is whether my capacity to love him unconditionally is a reflection of our relationship or a reflection of who I am and my own ability to love unconditionally. Or maybe a combination of the two? Or is this just me being pathetic?

I haven't decided upon an answer to this question as of yet. But what I do know, is that I will not settle for a love that is anything short of unconditional. I will not settle for simply loving someone and having them love me. I want to be in love and want someone who is in love with me. I want to find someone who is capable of loving me unconditionally, because I will not settle for anything less now that I've experienced that kind of love.

NOTE: The title of this blog was inspired byKate Voegele's song by the same name.


JunioRJones012 said...

I don't know the whole situation, but a couple thoughts...

one, we sometimes tend to focus only on the good....we forget the things that were said or done that hurt us or that made us question or whatever the case may be....we focus on the good times, the best of the best, the good memories, and the things we will miss, when we need to look at the whole picture.

two, everything happens for a reason and is a learning experience to better your future, be it with him or someone else. I don't know what your relationship history is like....naybe this was to show you that you CAN be IN love with someone and they CAN be IN love with you in open your eyes and heart to those situations that might present themselves to you in the future. Perhaps the unconditional love you feel is returned and you get back....perhaps it's to put you in a better position and mindset when somebody comes along who will actually treat you even better.

three, love doesn't realy go away...true and unconditional love. You know the stuff I dealt with...I stayed around out of that unconditional love...out of a naive belief that the words I was being told matched the feelings inside her. I do believe people can change, that love is unconditional, and that isn't always easy. Maybe, as hard as it might be to believe, there is a BETTER love out there for you...however intense and unconditoinal this was, maybe there is still something more. God has a plan for everyone...and a mate for everyone as well, I think. He knows how it will all play out for you. When one love hits a rocky patch, it means one of a couple things....either it isn't right and we are meant for something better....or that one or both of the parties needs to grow and learn before it can truly be successful and be where it needs to be. As the saying goes, "they call it a breakup because something is broken." That doesn't mean that it can't be fixed....but it means it NEEDS to be fixed in order to be at the level that we want, need, desire, etc.

I'm pretty sure I rambled a little bit there, but maybe someting made some sense...maybe it didn't, as I said, I don't know the situaion well enough to make too much of a judgment. Keep your head up. You're a great person from what I helped me through a lot of stuff...and you know that I am here anytime, 24/7, if you need anything or just want to talk or vent. You can't sell yourself short on anything deserve the best and you will get the best....we grow from every situation, and that will make the next situation go that much smoother, whether it's a new situation or a fresh try at at old one.

smile! =)

Alisha said...

Hi Ryan,

I completely agree that every life experience is an opportunity for growth. And I do believe that he was not ready for a committed relationship. I think he is just not at that life stage yet. And while there are things I miss about him and our relationship I also recognize that he is not perfect and I have not forgotten how he hurt me. I just love him in spite of that. But I do appreciate your support. Hope you are doing well!

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